How to deal with other people's anger 
, - Verhalen
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Have you had the experience of someone shouting at you? Or someone silently resenting your very presence? Ever heard someone talk about you negatively behind your back? Or listened to a beloved one's complaining?
These are all forms of anger, expressed differently. Of course there are more examples, I'm not going to name all of them here.

What do you usually do? How do you normally respond? Is it serving you? Is it serving you in the long run as well as for the short term?

The way I see it, there are two common reactions to another person's anger and both are agressive. Either the receiving person re-acts the anger or the receiver re-directs the anger.

An example
Someone says: "How could you have.......?"
The receiver then either
- re-acts the anger in the same direction, namely, towards the self (by attacking their own truth/story about reality, behaviour, feelings or being) and maybe as a result of that feeling guilty (which isn't the healing kind),
or the receiver
- re-directs the anger by attacking the angry persons 'self', their truth, behaviour, feelings or being, for instance by saying: "How can you be blaming me?!" or by angrily ignoring the other person (punishing).

When someone is angry at you, your only truly (self) serving answer could be:

I love myself.

You don't say it out loud, but to yourself, inside. It's the best way to not become a player in the anger game the other person has set up for you two to play.
When you say this to yourself, focus your attention on the sentence.
No matter how angry the person across from you is (exept when they're dangerous to your physical well-being), this answer will give you everything you need in order to come to an appropriate response to anger. It can become 'I love myself enough to give space to my inner peace', '...enough to be patient with myself', '...to keep caring for my needs', etc.
Then, when you can remain completely at ease and calm within yourself (I'm often not there yet), you can start treating the angry person with love. There are texts about how to do that on the internet.

Remember, you're both dealing with anger here in the first place, the subject the other person is angry about is secondary to that.
Have you ever tried to put a sowing thread through a needle when you were really furious? Solving a problem or communicating when angry is as difficult (or impossilble, depending on the level of intensity of your anger).

Practise loving yourself whenever your around anger, someone else's towards a third party or of someone elses towards you. Then, when you have enough love, maybe you'll discover your own anger and what it's destroying or trying to destroy.
When you have enough love you can learn to act on that instead of your anger.

Note: when another person is becoming a real threat to you, your first action coming from love should be leaving for the moment.
If you can, say "I need a time out, I'll be back in half an hour/hour/however long you need to become loving towards yourself again so the interaction no longer is a threat to you emotionally and mentally/however long you think it takes before the other person regains control and is no longer a threat to you physically.

When you want to learn more on how to love yourself practically in such a moment, see ingredients for lovesenergy or ingredienten voor lovesenergy for dutch speakers.

Good luck and lots of love!

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